Looking for a Job You Don't Really Want

The worst thing about looking for a job is that I don't really want one. Which is only half true, really. I do want a job. I want to go to work every day (well, sort of), and earn a regular paycheck, etc. It's been decades since I've been out of work, and I don't like it. The problem is, I don't like any of the jobs I see on the job-boards. They are, as far as I can tell, terrible jobs. Every one of them. But, if I want to receive a weekly unemployment check, I am required to apply for at least two of them every week. Two shit jobs per week. It's not that much trouble, really. And it doesn't take that much time. But, it is depressing and a little demeaning to apply for jobs that I know I do not want, just to satisfy this requirement. I see the purpose behind the requirement. It is not entirely arbitrary. But it is also not particularly useful.

So, I apply away, for jobs I do not want. Jobs with the state government, insurance companies, banks, law firms, etc. I imagine trying to answer even the most basic interview questions like, "Why do you want to work here?" and I can't come up with any answers. Why would anyone want to work at any of these places? The thrill of wearing a suit every day? The opportunity to sit in a cubicle staring at a computer monitor why the fat guy in the next cubicle sucks his teeth? A life-long desire to go to time-wasting meetings? Because I have just a little bit of soul left in me, and I want you to kill it? Because I needed to apply for two jobs per week in order to collect my weekly unemployment check and I swear to God I never thought for a second that you would call me in for an interview. Can I leave now?

I'm trying to make a resume. Is that the right word? Make? Or is it Build? I don't know. Whatever the correct verb, I'm having problems. Not with the "work experience" and "education" sections. I've had jobs that look good on paper, and I have educational credentials that look good on paper. What I don't have is an "Objective" or a "Mission Statement" or whatever the fuck you want to call it. These are big on all the resume-building template sites out there these days. My problem is that I have no Objective. I have no Mission Statement. I have no fucking idea what the fuck I am doing, other than applying for two jobs per week that I don't really want, so I can receive my weekly unemployment check, that I am fucking entitled to, you fucking assholes. So, yeah. Being unemployed is awesome.