This is the title of an article in today's AV Club (http://www.avclub.com/articles) Basically, their writers weigh in on various cultural phenomena that they have intentionally ignored for one reason or other (e.g., Harry Potter, Twilight, Charlie Sheen, etc.). Anyway, it's a fun article. You should read it.
But there are a few things that they failed to ignore, and I feel compelled to add to the list.
1. E.T. You know, that movie where that kid who looks sort of like "Mikey" from those 1970s Life Cereal commercials, who befriends a magical space alien with a flying bicycle, who at some point "phones home"? (Haha.) Yeah, I hate it. Don't get me wrong -- I've never seen it, and I never will, unless someday I find myself strapped to a chair with my eyes pried open, Clockwork Orange-style, and am forced to watch it as some kind of nightmarish "therapy" session. (I won't rule that out entirely, but it seems unlikely.) The first word that pops into my head when I think about this movie is "sentimental." Which, to me, is practically a synonym for "terrible."
2. Justin Bieber. I can tell you, honestly, that I have never heard a single song by this child. Ever. Now, I am definitely not one of those people who go around spouting off about how "life is precious," etc. Because it isn't. Life is common and messy and gross, and ultimately not really worth a damn. But still, there is only so much time. We just plain don't live very long. Fifty, sixty, seventy years ("three score and ten", blah blah blah). For virtually the entire history of the universe, we don't even exist. We are dead, most of the time. So, why, oh my God why, would anyone spend three minutes of this tiny allotment of time listening to this silly little boy sing one of his songs? There is no reason. You could spend that three minutes staring off into space. Or shitting. Or strangling a chicken. Whatever.
3. "Family Guy." I have never watched an entire episode of this show, which, I am told, is intended to be funny. It is not funny. I know this because I have seen previews for it. (Seriously, most of the time, you really can judge a book by its cover.) It is low-grade, moronic, "frat boy" humor ("OMG! His chin looks like testicles! Ha! Ha! Ha!"), and the animation is lousy. Just thinking about this awful show and its awful creator makes me sad. There are people who like this. There shouldn't be.
4. Twitter. Okay, I admit to having a twitter account, and I have used it. And about once every six months, I log in again, and try, again, to figure out what the fucking point of it is. Which is a huge hassle, because I've forgotten my password, again, or my username, or both, and they have to email it to me, and by the time I finally get logged in, I'm already irritated and bored. But I poke around anyway, and read some "tweets" and wonder, yet again, what the hell? Why does this exist.
5. Larry the Cable Guy. Do I really need to add anything here?
I could go on. And on, and on. I really have ignored many, many things. And will ignore many more things. I could write a highly uninformative book about all the things I ignore, but I probably won't quite get around to it. At least not anytime soon.
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