Number 1. Oscar Wilde Shad Chandler, convicted of having sex with a 14-year old girl, told the court at his sentencing hearing that "I have regrets over this whole thing."
This was Shad's second sentencing hearing, the first having been continued after Shad ate a kleenex in court. As a precaution, the kleenex box was moved out of Shad's reach for the duration of the hearing
After hearing his client speak out loud, one can only imagine Shad's attorney (perhaps resting a gentle hand on Shad's shoulder, but then again, maybe not, but definitely leaning in close), and whispering, "Hey, Shad, you really don't have to say anything. You can remain mute." But poor, dumb, sad Shad doesn't know what "mute" means, and anyways, he really just gots to get this thing off his chest. It's important, dammit.
He shrugs his attorney's hand away defiantly and continues, clearing his throat and saying: "I just feel real bad about everything." The courtroom, despite the solemnity of the proceedings, erupts into howls of laughter, and Shad is led away in chains.
"I just feel real bad about everything."
BTW, "Shad"? Really? Did his parents want this to happen?
Number 2. Carlene Schrag wrote the following in a letter to the editor:
"Stabbings on a college campus. Bombs in Boston. They are reminders that PEOPLE kill people."So now we live in a world where death by anything other than gunshot is a cause to celebrate our lack of gun control laws. And she didn't even use the word "gun." She didn't have to. The
(BTW, Carlene, I would suggest either substituting "knives" for "stabbings" in the first incomplete sentence, or "bombings" for "bombs" in the second. I know, I know -- too late now. Just keep it mind the next time
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