"Help Wanted"

Innovative financial firm with strong corporate values and a pleasant working environment seeks dynamic, highly motivated self-starter with proven leadership skills and an excellent track-record of motivating others. The ideal
candidate will be driven to achieving results, have top-notch organizational and communications skills, and be willing to relocate. Do not apply if you are not goal-oriented or are unable to lift, push or pull up to 60 pounds. Positive attitude required. Excellent multi-tasking skills a must. Must enjoy working under the pressure of constant and arbitrary deadlines. Must be an exceptional problem-solver with an eye for detail, eager to roll up your sleeves and produce results. Must be forward-thinking, with excellent time-management skills. You must love our customers. You must enjoy talking on the phone.

Are you an enthusiastic, reliable, hard-working, compassionate, committed, energetic, understanding and supportive team-player willing to work evenings and weekends? If so, apply now by clicking here. By clicking the preceding link, you give your full and voluntary consent to invasive background checks, including, but not limited to, a criminal background check, a check of your credit reports and pre-employment drug testing. All applicants are subject to a polygraph test. We are an equal opportunity employer, and offer excellent benefits, including 401k and health and dental insurance, after a one-year probationary period.

Dumb Creationist Jokes

Q. What did the ugly fossil say after being insulted by the handsome fossil?
A. Sir, I am just as the Lord made me.

A child asks his creationist father how far away is the farthest star from Earth. The father answers, "I don't know, son, but if it's more than 6,000 light years, its a sinner."

A Creationist, a Buddhist, and a horse walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What's with the long face?" The horse shrugs, the Buddhist smiles, and the Creationist says, "Can you prove it's not true?"

Yeah, well, that's all I can come up with for now. I thought this would be easier.