Each year, your local
Veterans Day Parade Planning Committee receives hundreds of
suggestions on how we can improve our local Veterans Day celebration.
We want you to know that we appreciate your suggestions and that we
read each and every one of them. (Yes, even yours, “John Galt
2000,” but, again, we need an actual name and address. Have your mother call me.)
Obviously, we cannot
implement every great idea we receive. Every year, for example, we
receive excellent suggestions for Grand Marshall. Unfortunately, most
of the suggested nominees are simply not within our budget. We
cannot afford Dick Cheney or Robert McNamara (is he even alive?), or Henry Kissinger, just
to name a few of the more popular suggestions.
As for the person who
suggested the town's last surviving World War II Veteran – what a
lovely idea! Sadly, however, we no longer have one. Old Harold died last month. There was a small service at the nursing home.
For the record, and for
future reference, we will NEVER accept any of the following:
- Candy bullets.
- Morphine taco trucks.
- The “PTSD Players” reenactment of the My Lai Massacre remains interesting, but we have no intention of including it in the parade, ever. (You need not send us any more videos. Thank you.)
- Synchronized drone flyover. (Again, this is mainly a budget issue.)
- Abu Ghraib Costume Ball. (We think we know what's going on here – we saw those costumes at the Halloween party!)
- Crucifixion dog-chews. (Seriously, we didn't bite on Easter. Why would we want them now?)
In conclusion, we, the
committee, thank you for your continued interest. Please come to the
Parade tomorrow and show your support for the Veterans Day Parade
Committee. And of course the veterans who made it possible.
